Grief

The Five Stages Of Grief   |  Brief History of the Five Stages of Grief   | Misconceptions About The Five Stages Of Grief

You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.

 
 grief1The 10 Best and 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief Many of us have said “The Best” and “The Worst.” We meant no harm, in fact the opposite. We were trying to comfort. A grieving person may say one of the worst ones about themselves and it’s OK. It may make sense for a member of the clergy to say, “He is in a better place” when someone comes to them for guidance. Where as an acquaintance saying it may not feel good.Some people often unintentionally trivialize grief by expressing to the person their own opinions as if that is what the person needs to hear. While some of these opinions have been helpful to some people, the way in which they are often said has the exact opposite effect than what was originally intended. 
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
  1. I am so sorry for your loss.
  2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
  3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can.
  4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  5. My favorite memory of your loved one is…
  6. I am always just a phone call away
  7. Give a hug instead of saying something
  8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
  9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
  10. Saying nothing, just be with the person

 The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief

  1. At least she lived a long life, many people die young
  2. He is in a better place
  3. She brought this on herself
  4. There is a reason for everything
  5. Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now
  6. You can have another child still
  7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
  8. I know how you feel
  9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go
  10. Be strong

Best & Worst Traits of people just trying to help
When in the position of wanting to help a friend or loved one in grief, often times our first desire is to try to “fix” the situation, when in all actuality our good intentions can lead to nothing but more grief. Knowing the right thing to say is only half of the responsibility of being a supportive emotional caregiver. We have comprised two lists which examine both the GOOD and the NOT SO GOOD traits of people just trying to help. The Best Traits

  • Supportive, but not trying to fix it
  • About feelings
  • Non active, not telling anyone what to do
  • Admitting can’t make it better
  • Not asking for something or someone to change feelings
  • Recognize loss
  • Not time limited

  The Worst Traits

  • They want to fix the loss
  • They are about our discomfort
  • They are directive in nature
  • They rationalize or try to explain loss
  • They may be judgmental
  • May minimize the loss
  • Put a timeline on loss